My journey to self-awareness and healing during COVID-19 lockdown

Self – awareness is about getting to know the self in terms of character, feelings, personality and individuality. It not consciousness. Consciousness is being aware of one’s environment, lifestyle and one’s body. Self-awareness is the awareness of being conscious. We are self-aware when we focus on our actions and critically examine if they align with our internal standards. What I present here is a case study of my experiences and experiments which lead to self-awareness and healing. This is my journey of self-awareness and healing which I found during the lockdown. Looking back, life was not an easy journey for me as it is seldom for many of us. My childhood was spent in rural Kerala and remember it as being happy. We were poor but to a child that was least of botherations Moving from rural, I grew up in sub-urban Tamil Nadu completing my schooling, graduation and Post -graduation. I was a good student and excelled in college. Post education I endured Physical and Mental trauma for nearly 20 years. It hit me like thunderbolts. I was educated but not empowered. I had a good job. I was a pillar of strength for my students and colleagues. While continuing to work, I completed my MPhil and PhD. I was the college counsellor. But I was restless. I was stressed, anxious and depressed. I was everything that others could not see. Everything was normal or so it, seemed but I was lost inside. I tried various methods of treatment. I had nightmares and disturbed sleep. It was like I was living with 2 individuals. One inside me and one outside. The outside one was strong and bold. The inside one was fearful and sad. Sometime during the year 2012 I decided to start my journey on self-awareness. I believed this would heal me. Thanks to school and college friends on WhatsApp, I gathered strength and fought back. Every day from then on it was a journey to self-awareness. Taking those baby steps towards the goal. But I would fall back into stress because of the tug of war between role and job stress.  Somehow, I always crawled back to normalcy. I changed my job in 2015. With adjustments to a new environment, came more stress.  Then came COVID-19 and we got locked down in march 2020. I had lots of time to think. Logic and reason dawned on me. I pulled out my old books on self-awareness topics. I practice meditating, energy routine, exercise, breathe and dance. Slowly things began to change. My friends helped me in this journey. They support and guide me still when I get stuck. I am on the way in finding my inner self and the purpose of my life. Like the world is clear of pollution due to COVID-19 Lockdown, my mind too began to clear. Calm and peace have finally emerged though self-awareness and healing.