Psychology of Romantic Relationships: An Indigenous Buddhist Psychological Perspective

Buddhist psychology, which is rooted in the 2,500-year-old Buddhist philosophy, seeks to understand the suffering or dissatisfaction arising from conditioned mental states, its causes, and its alleviation through systematic mental training and ethical and contemplative practices. The concept and practice of mindfulness have emerged out of Buddhism. The aim of mindfulness is to bring the awareness of the mind to the present moment. Since the late twentieth century, mindfulness-based psychological interventions such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy have been found effective for psychological issues like depression, anxiety, stress, and low self-esteem. However, these mindfulness-based interventions usually focus on individual well-being and are applied in a secular way by detaching the practice of mindfulness from the broader ethical framework and interpersonal dimensions of Buddhist thought. However, despite having a substantial amount of literature in Buddhist psychology, relatively little attention has been paid to interpersonal romantic relationships through the lens of Buddhist psychology. This theoretical paper aims to examine how Buddhist psychology conceptualizes interpersonal romantic relationships and compares it with relevant classical Western psychological theories. Buddhist psychology addresses the dissatisfaction or suffering (dukkha) in romantic relationships, causes of dissatisfaction (samudaya), cessation of the suffering or dissatisfaction (nirodha), and systematic mental training and ethical practices to overcome the dissatisfaction (ashtangika–marga), through its framework of Four Noble Truths. Classical Western psychological theories related to romantic love and interpersonal romantic relationships often center around the assumption of a permanent self, possessiveness towards the partner, need fulfillment, and biological or evolutionary motivations. In contrast, the Buddhist psychological perspective emphasizes the concept of non-self (anatta), non-attachment (anupadana), mindfulness (satipatthana), loving-kindness (metta), compassion (karuna), sympathetic joy (mudita), and equanimity (upekkha). The insights from Buddhist psychology offers an alternative complementary framework to understand romantic relationships.